Feb 26th
After some yardwork, a shower, and lunch I finished up last week's post and edged for a short while before putting on a file. I listened to Deeper which has a temporary trance trigger and does some light fractionation. It was enjoyable, though she adds some echo effects when saying "deep" and it reminds me of an old Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. I like the effect, but my mind works in funny ways sometimes.
Followed it with Tick Tock Time and I don't know why I haven't tried this one sooner. At the end she tells me to forget the trance and now I'm actually having a hard time describing it. A ticking clock, some fractionation to bring me down. I said something out loud. I feel like I could remember it, but just won't. It's almost like trying to recall a dream that's slowly fading away. Planning to come back to this one again.
Before bed I listened to The Door which I had been saving until I was better trained. In fact I'll still probably wait before moving on and listen to this several more times. Essentially, it creates a room in my mind that I won't have access to and later files will take advantage of that fact. This just sets it up. There are three other files that will take advantage of this, each one increasing from SFW, NSFW, and evil suggestions. I only have the SFW one for now, but if this goes well will be purchasing the others. But as always, baby steps. I definitely did not go to sleep during the file, but may have lost focus? Not sure, but feel like I zoned out somewhere in the middle.
After that I played Pleasure Reflection which was pretty intense after a week of denial. Spent twenty minutes stroking and edging during the file while she is also touching herself and we have the pleasure reflect to each other and build. At the end I come up and listen to her orgasm while I stay denied. Kept edging for awhile afterwards and eventually stopped and went to sleep. Also there is a safety in this file that I'm going to remove.
Feb 27th
I finally started reading Mind Play late last week. Good read so far, but still in the introductions.
I'm starting to treat this more as my kinky journal, as opposed to just hypnosis. That being said, on Twitter I follow various sex workers I find interesting for one reason or another. Would like to visit some, but due to time, money, distance, etc. I never have. I go back and forth in my mind between wanting a full service escort to a dominatrix, to a hypnodom. Recently became aware of a local domme who appears more sensual, i.e.. tease and denial vs the stereotypical leather clad domme who will whip you. So I added her to follow and to my surprise she DM'ed me. We had a brief conversation where I answered her questions and shared some kinks. I didn't want to waste her time since she's a business and I'm not a client currently, but damn if I'm not intrigued now! Seriously considering scheduling time with her when I'm able. Assuming I do and she permits, will probably write a story about the experience.
During lunchtime listened to my weekly files of Consent is a Key and Good Boy. And right before the end of the work day revisited Good Boys Get Afflicted. Many entries here will be repetitive, but it's helpful for me so I can recall what I listened to and when and spread them out well.
Feb 28th
Had a busy day. Squeezed in some time for Relaxation Induction, but it didn't go well. Lay down in bed for this during the day, which I don't normally do. Don't think I fell asleep, but definitely blanked or lost focus a few times during the file. Can't really explain, but just didn't feel right. Not sure if it's was because I was in bed during the day or because I was so busy and forced some time in so I wasn't really in the right headspace or just an off day. Was really the only chance I had for the day. Maybe it's better if I just accept and skip completely when I have days like this instead of forcing it?
Mar 1st
Today was a little more normal, though busy in the morning. Afternoon had time for Inevitable Trigger and I went down much easier and it felt like it had been, though I did find myself drifting away again. Wish I knew if this is a good thing or not. My conscious mind drifts or gets side tracked I think and I come in and out of hearing what's being said.
Rest of the day was busy and I was wiped. Had no plans on listening or anything before bed. Lay down to go to sleep when my mind drifted to sexy thoughts and suddenly I was hard and stroking myself. Wound up edging for at least a half hour, maybe closer to an hour? Eventually became too tired and went to sleep. I feel like the part of me that really wants to orgasm is getting quieter and I just want more time to edge.
Mar 2nd
Another crazy morning, but had some time to listen to Powerless right before lunch and boy did I need that! Part of it had a weight being lifted from my shoulders, which is something I could use right now, so it was a welcome distraction from work pressures. Very relaxing.
My afternoon was fairly open, which was a welcome change from the rest of the week, so took advantage and played Edging Day. You can probably guess from the title, but she takes me down and has me stroke and edge. Going deeper the more I edge. At one point I felt very deeply down, stroking away, not even reaching an edge, just stroking and stroking. She encouraged me to keep going as she brought me back up. Between the file and my continued stroking since it ended, I've been edging for over a half hour. I'm so turned on, but still not sure if I really want to cum or not, I just know edging feels so good.
Well, I was about to stop and play another file, but then pushed myself a little too far. Tried to hold back, but it was too late and became a large ruin. As the cum dribbled out I hesitated, wanting to stroke more and try to salvage an orgasm and wanting to be good and accept my mistake. My urges won. I couldn't resist and started stroking, but think it was too late. I sort of had an orgasm, but it felt very different and unfulfilling. Definitely was not satisfying, but will still reset the clock to today.
Mar 3rd
Busy morning and still a little disappointed in myself for yesterday's accident. During lunch listened to The Door which is now part of my weekly routine. Not sure when I'll move on to one of the Behind the Door files. It's both scary and exciting and really hope it works as described. I often find myself trying to do too much too quickly. Part impatience and part taking advantage when I have the time. Trying really hard to pace myself this time.
Followed that with Control 5 to reinforce no orgasms. My dream is to be under such control that I would be unable to orgasm no matter what I do or is done to me, unless I have permission. I don't know if that's too far fetched (especially for non-interactive files), but that's the fantasy.
Later I went to Corruption, the Good Boy version. It's meant to convince me to give up control of my orgasms to her or someone else. There is also a Good Toy version, which I assume was the original because this had jarring edits to replace toy with boy. If I listen again will switch to the toy version so it's smoother, though not sure if I need this file in my rotation. I'm already corrupted, that's my whole thing!
Had a busy weekend, so no time for anything. Still disappointed I lost control, especially since it was not even an enjoyable orgasm. Makes it double frustrating!
