Depression...

This is just for me. No story, nothing fun, just typing out some thoughts for myself. I've always been a little anti-social. Partly due to not having many friends when I was younger and forced to be a loner, partly due to a touch of social anxiety. Even when I had chances to socialize, I'd often prefer to stay home and not deal with the accompanying stress interacting with new people and situations can bring me. But of course at the same time I wanted friends and love, but often the two were in direct conflict. This helped lead to bouts of depression and other bad thoughts. I got better over the years, but those underlying feelings and issues are always there, waiting to bubble to the surface if I let them. Last month I let the big old D break loose and take over. Between the stresses of work, finances, and the general state of the world since allowing would be authoritarians take over is now okay...just got to be too much for me. When that happens it takes all my strength just to go to my job. Outside of that all I want to do is play video games or watch TV. Anything to distract me from reality. Ironically, when I'm like this I lack the ability to be creative and write anything. In fact anything sexual doesn't interest me, though another helping of irony is I'll masturbate and cum often, but usually not enjoy it, so why do I bother? Who knows. My thoughts were bleak and dark. I don't want to say dangerous, but at times everything just seemed so damn pointless...

So that's where I was from the end of October until a week or so ago. Snapping out of it now. Started exercising again, which helps on so many levels. Cutting back on drinking. Never had a problem with it, but beers every or every other night don't help any. Getting some creative juices flowing again by creating new silly, sexy captioned photos. Even have a story idea or two I'm hoping to expand upon. My life's issues haven't gone anywhere, but I'm trying to cope with them with a little more health. Fingers crossed!